Sunday 19 June 2011

Peaceful parenting, unschooling & boundaries

After the inspiring conference just over a week ago,where a variety of topics were discussed, i did leave feeling i had one unanswered question....... What about boundaries?
I wholeheartedly believe in AP i also believe in unschooling & making positive choices with our children whether that's lifestyle, learning styles or food choices but i heard very little on boundaries or discipline.
I do feel discipline plays a very important part, particularly in or family. We have used the 'naughty corner' when Erin was little & 'time out' as she got older but it was/is always done in a respectful & peaceful (as much as possible) a manner. i feel it gives time to all parties to calm down and think about their actions. After we discuss what has happened, discuss apologies we always finish on plenty of hugs/cuddles & kisses before moving onto  something completely removed from the situation.
We have to set boundaries, how else will they know what is acceptable or not. There was talk about impulse control which works in most situations. But impulse control  from the child's perspective whilst in the midst of a 'moment' it not often forthcoming. I need to exercise impulse control during the 'moment' which can be challenging to say the least.
So what are peoples perceptions of boundaries/discipline? As Erin has got older i feel we are more able to talk, negotiate & reason in such a way that there is very little need for discipline. But we had to lay those foundations early on, very early on.
In a conversation yesterday with a friend i asked her what she felt was an appropriate age to start disciplining a child. Is it a year (or earlier) is 2,4,7 or 10 when maybe they have already mugged their first old lady.
allowing them to 'be' for the first 7 years a la Steiner is great & something which we have done, not so with discipline.
Anyone who says a child as young as a year does not understand is not listening to their children. Both Erin & Kiki are completely aware of right & wrong and it is our job, our duty to encourage them to understand this in as positive a way as possible.
It's tough, really tough when i see the little faces crumple into tears and i am on hand to give reassuring hugs after but i feel this far outweighs the possible consequences that could come later on.

1 comment:

  1. Hmmm comment disappeared so pasting it here again, sorry if you get it twice!

    My feeling on this is that discipline and no discipline are two sides of the same coin. We choose a completely different coin, one where children learn what is right and wrong by watching the people around them. The alternative to discipline isn't neglect (ie turn a blind eye to unacceptable behaviour, hitting etc). I always find it helpful to think, if I was unhappy with something my husband had done, would I do this? (whatever 'this' may be, naughty step etc)

    It's taken us a good while to work out this path, and http://sandradodd.com/unschooling and http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/ (particularly the pages under 'Influencing child behaviour' on the right hand side) have been so so helpful, along with the alwayslearning and alwaysunchooled yahoo groups that I've recently discovered. In addition the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" has some good ideas.

    It does take a big shift in thinking, from being people who are there to control our kids' behaviour, to eing people that are our kids' partners to help them in their journey, but it's so worth it I think!

    Hope that wasn't too garbled and you find some of it helpful lol :)

    ReplyDelete